More Comfortable Being Perceived

For a long time, I thought I was bad at being social.

I am an introvert and spend a lot of time in my head. For years, I wondered whether some of that was social anxiety.

I struggled to feel part of a community or social group. I was also bad at keeping in touch, even with my own family.

A few years ago, I made becoming more social part of my annual goals.

Call or meet my family at least once a month.

Go out with people sometimes.

Learn how to host people in my house.

Increase my social battery.

I was already in my early 30s. It felt strange that these were skills I still had to learn.

Over time, they became easier.

I grew more comfortable around people and had more energy for conversations and gatherings.

The biggest change came when I stopped monitoring myself so closely.

I used to think about how I came across. Whether people liked me. Whether I had said the right thing. Whether someone was judging me.

Now, I am much more comfortable being perceived.

People will have opinions about me. Some will tell me directly. Others will keep those opinions to themselves.

I cannot control that.

What I can decide is how much weight to give their feedback.

Sometimes another person sees something in me that I have missed, and I can learn from it. Other opinions are less useful and can be left alone.

I do not have to accept every judgment as truth.

That understanding has made social situations much easier.

I have also learned to let other people be themselves.

Everyone brings a different mind, personality, history and way of seeing the world into a conversation. I no longer feel as unsettled when someone’s perspective is far from mine.

The difference can make the connection more interesting.

I can bring my view. They can bring theirs. We can talk, listen, laugh, disagree and perhaps learn something before going home.

I do not have to manage what they think of me.

I only have to participate.

For a long time, I underestimated how much human connection matters to me.

I still need plenty of time alone. I still spend a large part of my life inside my own head.

What has changed is my willingness to share more of that inner world.

I say what I think. I tell people what I care about. I enter rooms without knowing exactly how I will fit into them.

That has given me friendships, conversations and perspectives I would have missed if I had stayed inside myself.

For years, I thought I needed to learn how to be myself around other people.

I already knew how to be myself.

What I needed to learn was how to let that person be seen, and to trust myself with whatever happened after.