More at Ease

I walked with Aisyah Mardhiah this morning.

Having someone beside me changed the way my mind worked.

When I walk alone, I usually listen to a podcast. I tell myself I am learning something, although I do not always pay close attention. The episode continues while my thoughts move in several directions. By the time I reach the end of the walk, I may have absorbed very little.

Sometimes my mind feels more scattered than before.

Walking with another person requires a different kind of attention. I have to listen, respond and stay with the conversation. There is less room to disappear into my own thoughts.

I like the challenge.

It feels good to exercise my social battery alongside my body. Conversation is a skill too, especially for someone who can spend a long time thinking without saying much.

Aisyah Mardhiah and I have many things in common. We rarely disagree strongly or approach a subject from completely different perspectives. Talking to her feels comfortable because I do not have to explain every part of myself.

The conversation moves easily.

In some ways, talking to my children is more mentally demanding.

They ask unexpected questions. They interrupt my train of thought. They challenge ideas that I assume are simple and settled. Sometimes their responses irritate or trigger me, especially when I am tired or trying to complete something else.

Those conversations require more patience and critical thinking.

I have to consider why I am reacting. I have to explain what I mean in words they can understand. I also have to accept that they may see the situation differently.

It is uncomfortable at times, although it often reveals more about me than the easier conversations do.

This morning’s walk felt like useful practice. I could pay attention to another person without feeling drained afterwards.

I am glad to have a morning walking partner now.

I also noticed that walking has become easier.

I can move faster and maintain the pace for longer. My heart rate does not rise as much during this kind of walk, and I sweat less than I used to.

The changes are small, but clear enough for me to recognise.

My body has adapted to something that once required more effort.

Perhaps my social stamina can develop in the same way. I can become more comfortable through repetition, one conversation and one morning walk at a time.

Lately, I have also been wearing a cotton square hijab to the office.

I started wearing it because it was comfortable for walking. I used to think a square hijab made me look less polished, especially when I wore it down without styling.

Now, I think I was wrong.

I like how it looks on me. The shape feels neat, and I do not have to spend much time arranging it. I can put it on, leave it as it is and continue with my morning.

There is something satisfying about feeling presentable without working too hard for it.

The cotton square hijab makes me feel minimalist. I feel pretty in a way that does not require much preparation or adjustment throughout the day.

This morning, I walked faster than I used to, talked without exhausting myself and went to work in a hijab I once thought was too simple.

I am beginning to recognise ease as its own kind of progress.