Children of Ending

Last Saturday, I performed poetry at an event organised by the Power of Words (POW) Retreat.

It was my first time performing a poem in English. Reading such a personal piece to strangers felt exposing, but also meaningful.

I am sharing it here for my blog readers. I hope it offers a glimpse into the emotional struggles families may carry after a separation, especially the children caught within it.

Endings change us. Sometimes, they also become the beginning of someone new.

Thank you for reading.

Children of ending (a spoken-word poetry)

A child born
is the beginning of hope

But what do we call
the beginning
of an ending
the divorce
the separation
disconnection
dissociation
disunion
dysfunction
the breaking up
the breaking heart
the tearing heart
– broken, torn apart

So, I am the child on an ending

And my children are
the children of ending
then my grandchildren would be
the grandchildren of ending

I have two kids
a son and a daughter
you can look around
but they are not here

See I know
my son eats 1.5
to double portion of food
and my daughter loves to draw
I know, the boy plays
Bendi and the ink machine
and the girl loves Minecraft

I also know they are confused
How their feelings are abused
I know the words
they struggle to read
and pronounce

I know. I only know things
when I’m around

So do I look like a mother?
with this body sewn twice
in two separate years
after a few hands groped inside
my private, holy place
to wipe away all the trace
the proven case
that I am a mother

These were not my hands
These were not my eyes
The two child births broke me
The ending ended me
– This is the new me

Do I look like a mother now
for I am too young
to bear the children
of ending
carrying their chatter
on the naked truth
of selfishness

I am too broke
to bear more of
this taking
Their forgiveness
on our intended
carelessness

The children of ending

Can they make, choices?
with their lost, voices
in the noise of ‘our’ fights
in the quest to be right
just to feel right
– just to feel right.