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Tossing coins

I’m so scared of letting go. It’s like tossing coins every day and hoping it says “no” or “not yet” every single time.

And every time I inhale, I pray for the strength to face the coming days, months, and years without you. And before I could exhale, I’ve already let go the thought of it. I always gave up trying before I could really try, thinking that I could use one more day. And another more day. And another more day.

Who was I fooling?

The pain in my chest, it comes and goes. It’s like the waves hitting the sand by the beach. Sometimes so subtle and sometimes so hard like how they are during the stormy weathers. So strong it leaves some marks or even worse, washes most of the sand away. I lose myself when I lose you. If I could show you how it really feels, you’ll be overwhelmed. That pain in my chest reminds me that everything we had, was real. I was part of your existence. And you, part of mine.

But unfortunately, that’s that. And that’s that no matter how painful it would be.

Paths cross in mysterious ways. Whatever way it’s going to be with us, please know that I’m looking forward to it.

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