Lately, I’ve found myself in a state of emotional turbulence, particularly at the office, that I can’t quite ignore. I’ve become more negative, easily triggered, and overly expressive—traits I don’t like in myself. Recognising these changes has been uncomfortable, but I know it’s something I need to address.
I’ve noticed how quickly I snap at the smallest things, how anger bubbles up unexpectedly, and how easily I’m triggered by situations that wouldn’t normally affect me. It’s as though I’m carrying a heavy emotional load, unsure of how to manage it. This realisation is unsettling, but it also feels like the first step towards making a positive change.
Seeking Help
I decided to share my feelings with two of my colleagues, Haniss and Saiful. Their responses were comforting; they didn’t judge me or make me feel worse. Instead, they validated my emotions, reassuring me that I’m not an awful person. They suggested that my emotional state might be tied to the heavy workload we’ve all been dealing with.
Initially, I didn’t think I had that much on my plate, but perhaps the uncertainty and disappointment I’ve been feeling are indeed linked to work-related pressures.
No to Gossips
I’m cautious about expressing too much negativity towards people at the office, especially since, aside from the challenging colleague I mentioned in a previous post, I genuinely get along with everyone else. Interestingly, even that difficult colleague has become less challenging lately. Perhaps she’s changed, or maybe I’ve simply set better boundaries.
Writing this down forces me to confront a part of myself that I’m not proud of—I gossip about people at the office, even though I care about them. This realisation makes me feel conflicted and somewhat disgusted with myself. Could this negativity I’m experiencing be connected to this behaviour as well?
One thing I do know is that I’m someone who reflects a lot and is always willing to change. I don’t want to stay in this negative space.
New Perspective
Earlier today during lunch, I met up with a friend from university, someone who has been a stay-at-home mother for the past three years and has only recently returned to work. Our conversation offered me a new perspective. I realised that if my negativity is related to work, maybe I’ve been investing too much of myself in it. Work is just a part of life, and it shouldn’t consume all of my energy and emotions. Moreover, I shouldn’t compare my personal or professional journey with others.
Meeting my friend reminded me that life is multifaceted, and work is just one aspect of it.
Talking to My Spouse
On my way home, I had a slow, honest conversation with my husband. Initially, I wasn’t sure how to begin, so I started by asking him for flowers and gifts. In truth, I’m not certain if I truly want those things or if they are just a way for me to express my underlying needs. He was surprised but assured me he would get me what I asked for.
My husband is a good listener, and as we continued discussing other matters, I began to feel a sense of relief and calm. While I’m still not sure if I’ve fully figured everything out, talking to him about difficult topics feels like therapy to me.
Steps I’m Taking to Feel Better
I’m grateful to have people like my husband, Haniss and Saiful, and my university friend to talk to and lean on. However, I realise that true, lasting change comes from within, so I’ve decided to focus on these five steps to help myself feel better in the long run:
- Istighfar and Mindfulness: Regularly recite the supplication for forgiveness and repentance whenever I become aware of my own negativity. Incorporate mindfulness techniques into my daily routine to help manage stress and emotional triggers.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Continue to set boundaries at work, particularly with colleagues who might contribute to a stressful environment.
- Limit Gossip: Make a conscious effort to avoid engaging in gossip, focusing instead on positive and constructive conversations.
- Prioritise Self-Care: Dedicate time to activities that bring me joy and relaxation, such as reading, exercising, or spending time with loved ones.
- Maintain Perspective: Remind myself that work is just one part of life and strive to maintain a balanced perspective, not allowing it to overshadow other important areas.
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