If I am to share the biggest mistake I’ve made while I was gone (depressed over my divorce), it is self-pity.

Now that I’ve snapped out of that, though not entirely – I think in a hard situation, it is very important to lift our perspective and see our own being from above, with self-love.

Self-pity (the opposite of self-love, sort of) is self-absorbed unhappiness over life’s hardship.

I found this article over the net,

Self-Pity: 11 Tell-tale Signs That You’re A Self-Inflicted Victim

and I think I had some of the signs like, thinking that I’m not worthy of love, having low self-esteem, a strong fighting instinct, and melancholic temperament and subconsciously feeling guilty (self-blame).

Life is always hard, problems come and go – nothing comes easy. We can’t really move an inch if we are being too carried away with unnecessary feelings.

My life was a mess. It was upside down in a way I had never imagined and the first instinctual feeling that triggered was sadness, then anger. Of course, they are just feelings that sometimes (or most of the time) can’t be controlled but being too absorbed over them doesn’t bring anything good either. It was hard to be positive and productive, and that added up to the problems I already have

I’ve lost passion for many things.
I think somewhere somehow during that moment, I’ve lost faith.
I’ve lost the stands I’m holding on to.
I’ve already lost confidence and then I constantly got these hormonal pimples on my skin, and I hated them.
I started to count wrinkles I never noticed before.
I know I’m already skinny but I didn’t eat for days so I would look lovely.
I hate every single line of marks on my body.
I’ve avoided family and friends, and I miss them very badly now. I did see and talk to few – faking strength and smiles. Those who really know me, THEY. KNOW.

Ah, listing down what have changed disgusts me.

I wanna be in control of my life now and stop dwelling in the past.

Love yourself because love lifts…

Hiking with Kids to Cape Rachado Lighthouse

A memorable trip with les kids!

I love hiking but had not been doing it for some time, until last two weeks when I joined few colleagues to FRIM Kepong, Selangor. I enjoyed myself very much that I regretted not bringing my kids together to experience the things that really excites me.

And so I’ve planned this trip for them.

The Cape Rachado Lighthouse also known by the locals as Rumah Api Tanjung Tuan, in Alor Gajar, Melaka, just next to Port Dickson – about 45 minutes drive from our home sweet home in Kuala Sawah, Rantau. To get to the lighthouse, we need to walk through Hutan Rekreasi Tanjung Tuan where there are also some other attractions and activities but with the ‘explorers’ pack, we avoid being too ambitious.

The lighthouse is believed to be the oldest in the country, its history allegedly dating back to Portuguese rule of Malacca during the 16th century. Cape Rachado as named by the Portuguese means Broken Cape. As always, that fact among all, is one of the thing that thrills me.

There were five of us; A, H, me, my sister Maryam and her son, Hn.

“800 meters, about 15 minutes walk to the lighthouse”,

said the lady managing the entrance fees when I asked how far it is to reach the top.

Oh yes. 15 minutes walk my dear friends. That’s what I’ve read from visitors review all over the net too. And that’s what make me choose this location for the kids’ first hike.

Nevertheless, I’m glad that I didn’t underestimate that and still prep my kids with the ‘hiking’ idea and not using the word, ‘walking’.. Walking could also be jalan-jalan lalalala, right? This, absolutely not that.

From the lighthouse, it’s another trail downhill to the shore, a rather steep trail with some stairs – probably not so safe for kids but Alhamdulillah we did it anyway.

The kids love it

We’ve spent total of two hours in the forest. Luckily, we brought enough water and the kids wore comfortable clothes with shoes on. As for me, I did put on Sketchers despite my flowy long skirt that got some weird stares from few people passing by. Oh well, most of them had full sports attire on.

It wasn’t as easy as we’re told or have expected but the kids love it so much. They can’t stop talking about it. These pictures are of many more adventures to come, insyaAllah.