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of wanting

I think, I’m afraid of wanting. The fear of ‘not getting’ or ‘getting then losing’.. I’m so used to set a lower goal in anything – for sure boleh dapat punya lah kind of thing. I guess, I love to try new things just for the sake of trying but generally I’m not too ambitious. If I got something big, I just consider myself lucky. If I don’t get it, it never leads me to being unfulfilled because I never really want it at the first place.

When in fact, wanting something with the high uncertainty of getting it – it’s normal. You want something. Sometimes you get it. Sometimes you don’t. That’s life.

But the fear of wanting leads you to probability to get it, equal to zero. It means no chance at all. Unless someone, out of the blue, come to give it to you.

Sometimes, it got me thinking. Am I just lazy ‘to want’ because I hate to think about the effort needed to get it.

And that’s because, I always have this mindset – I must get what I want and whenever I want something, I work hard to get it. It makes me restless. So, I’ll avoid any desire when I feel like chilling around at my comfort zone, which I do – most of the time. Though, I will agree that the better approach in this if to have the right balance. The practicality of striving and feeling adequate.

And feeling adequate is the best part, because not wanting makes happiness, an easy pursuit. And who doesn’t want to be happy?

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