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I used to think that I have dyslexia, due to not being able to distinguish left and right without struggling, difficulty to pronounce certain words like Jururawat, Juwairiah (my mother’s name) and buih. I know it sounds like buih as in boo-weyh but when I tried to say it out loud, it became burih. F burih, what is that?

Another symptom of dyslexia is tone deft and I believe myself to have that too. Probably not 100 percent tone deft but it’s still hard for me to differentiate tones and to recognize a song from an intro music. Even something from the radio. I usually got it from the lyrics and chorus, because we can always recall a song from the lyrics, right. I recognize songs more from the words, the mood and message rather than the background music itself.

It’s a nightmare when someone plays music in front of me and ask me to guess the song. I mean most of the time, I could just say I don’t know. But what if it’s a popular song and even my favorite song, and I still can’t detect it. I don’t wanna offend the person, I don’t want that person to think that he/she doesn’t play it well enough for me to recognize it – when it’s really, it’s just me with my ears.

My survival trick on situation like this is, I’ll just wait until that person mumble few words from the lyrics or until his music find the chorus.. or instead of guessing, I’ll just throw few words of praise describing how enjoyable it is followed by my face staying still – pretending to be speechless, as if I’m trying to appreciate the song inaudibly out of awe. Whatever it is A’ishah, as long as you never guess it wrong.

Surprisingly I used to play guitar myself, and you may ask my ex how did I do that along with this f-ing tone deft. If it sounded good, perhaps it was mainly luck. To be fair, it was never good – I’m lucky he appreciated. I cannot sing either – I mostly rap (or read)

Music is not really my language but I do love it – in fact, very much. I guess all of us do too. My life is associated to music in many ways as if every moment in my life has their own soundtracks. And so, that’s what makes me admire people with this talent. They speak in foreign medium, reverberating to my inner self, always reflecting my life as how it is stored in my memory.

And btw, dyslexia is not something so fancy, many people have it and it’s actually just a learning disability – not like you are insane or down syndrome. Not even close to autism..

That’s a lot of writing on Friday morning.

Oh and I recently think I probably have ADHD too – adult ADHD, obsessed with something for a certain period of time, then completely stop thinking about it.

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