10 Years On

Today, I realise that everyone’s life is like points on a similar journey. You were here ten years before me, and my expectation was that you could have understood me. However, as I myself have forgotten what it was like to be me ten years ago, I’m not surprised that you couldn’t.

Life as a Young Mother

Ten years ago, I was a pregnant young lady whose husband was jobless. We had both just graduated. The house we stayed in was the charity of our parents, and we sold metal junk to have some alone time at an old cinema. Shockingly, we didn’t care to save the cash we earned from the sale. We were scared of uncertainty, yet we were much more fearless than we are now.

The End of ‘Us’

Those struggles are left with no meaning as there are no ‘we’ five years later. We got divorced, not because we had never found financial security afterwards, but because when we had enough, we didn’t appreciate it. My struggles are different now, and sometimes I wonder if the things I’m fighting for are actually worth the energy, or if most of the time I’m just being lazy – trying to be stingy with my resources (time, energy, money, and space). Am I keeping too much to myself?

Reflecting on the Past

I wonder what my 21 to 22-year-old self would say about me, and as I’m typing this, I guess she is feeling sad. Shocked and sunken deep into her belly that housed her baby. Today, that baby is eight years old. His sister is five. Things are different from how I thought we could’ve persevered.

This is a pointless writing, and a revelation at the same time. It’s a reflection on growth, change, and the passage of time. It’s a reminder that life moves on, and so do we, even if the journey is not always what we expected.

As I look back on the past ten years, I am filled with a mix of emotions – sadness for the struggles and losses, but also a sense of pride for how far I have come. Life is unpredictable, and the future remains uncertain. However, I am determined to keep moving forward, learning from my past, and striving for a better tomorrow.